Succession, the show that for four seasons has kept us enthralled, entertained and on the edge of our seats, is finally coming to an end (the long-awaited Succession finale is on tonight). And while we won’t spoil the storyline for anyone who hasn’t watched the series yet (although why you haven’t is beyond us) we have decided to round up a few of the most outrageous, most humorous and most brutal one-liners from across Succession‘s four seasons. What better way to honour the show that has been deemed one of HBO’s best-written to date?
From the ‘ludicrously capacious bag’ to ‘you can’t make a Tomelette without breaking some Gregs’, here are 20 memorable one-liners from Succession that prove why this show will go down in history.
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“Are we talking to each other on the deck of a majestic schooner? Is the salty brine stinging my weather-beaten face? No? Then why the f**k are you wearing a pair of deck shoes man?” — Tom Wambsgans, Season One
“It was supposed to be choreographed. That was about as choreographed as a dog getting f****d on roller skates.” — Logan Roy, Season Two
“You can’t make a Tomelette without breaking some Gregs.” — Tom Wamsgans (as read by Gil Eavis), Season Two
“My mum’s getting remarried to a bowl of porridge.” — Roman Roy, Season Three
“She’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail?” — Tom Wambsgans, Season Four
“I was wondering, just, in your view do you think it’s possible to sue a person, a grandparent for example, in a way which is like… like in an affectionate way? That might convey, like, ‘I love you and I’m glad you’re a part of my life, but I am taking legal action against you’?” — Greg Hirsch, Season Three
“You don’t hear much about syphilis these days. Very much the MySpace of STDs.” — Tom Wambsgans, Season Two
“What I think he meant to say was that he wished that mum gave birth to a can opener, because at least then it would be useful.” — Roman Roy, Season One
“She’s one of the hard b**ches, right? She’s going to do 36 hours of maternity leave, emailing through her vanity caesarean.” — Shiv Roy, Season Four
“’The ‘Logan Roy School of Journalism’? What’s next, the ‘Jack The Ripper Women’s Health Clinic’?” — Ewan Roy, Season Two
“It’s like Jaws. If everyone in Jaws worked for Jaws.” — Greg Hirsch, Season Four
“What’s that, ‘Date Rape’ by Calvin Klein?” — Shiv Roy, Season One
“Hey hey hey, it’s the Grim Weeper. Tiny tears.” — Jaryd Mencken, Season Four
“Someone could fit through that window. A small person. An attack child.” — Greg Hirsch, Season Two
“Organise a little coup down in old Peru? Put me in a van to Tajikistan? Couldn’t I just be our fun guy in Uruguay?” — Connor Roy, Season Four
“I’m about to take a s**t in your husband’s mouth and I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me it tastes like coq au vin .” — Lukas Matsson, Season Four
“He occasionally has expressed a distaste in the past for my particular flavour of me.” — Greg Hirsch, Season Four
“If a deal collapses in a wood and no one hears it, is it an SEC violation?” — Roman Roy, Season Four
“So sue me — my lawyer used to work for the justice department, who’s your lawyer? Mr F***ing Magoo?” — Logan Roy, Season Two
“F**k off.” — Logan Roy
